Those who know me best know that I've been on a sort of.. search for myself and for what I believe. This is what I've found (or at least part) so far.
I am a woman.
I am female, and therefore must understand that it is okay to be feminine. God created me as a woman and I can be as female as I desire, even if that’s considered wrong by other women around me.
I am an adult daughter.
I am the product of my parents. Their decisions in my childhood affected my development into who I am today. They love me, they kept me alive (or had someone else do so), and they are to be loved and respected despite any of their actions or words in the past, present, or future which may have hurt me. I am an adult as well as a daughter. My parents, though I should still honor them, do not have control over my actions or decisions. I must make the best (wisest) decisions in my pursuit of happiness and allow them to support my decisions (or not support them) as they wish. Their support does not affect my decisions. My parents may express their opinions, but it is my life and I must do all that I can with the time that I have been given.
I am a sister.
I have blood brothers and sisters as well as heart brothers and sisters. My love for them is a good thing, as is my desire to help in any way that I am able. However, causing physical overexhaustion or mental agony or any other harm to myself in my attempts to help my brothers and sisters is wrong. I have enough problems that I don’t need to take on the pain of others as if it were my own. Yes, I can show sympathy and empathy, love, concern, etc., for my brothers and sisters (how could I not when I love them?). I simply must learn how and when to say no. It is my responsibility (because of my willing love) to try to improve the lives of those around me if I can, but the happiness of those whom I love is not my responsibility. To each their own.
I am a survivor.
I have been through more pain, hurt, and tough experiences than any one woman ought to have been through, and yet here I am. I am stronger than I believe I am. I can endure through more than I believe I can. “Difficult” is simply a challenge to work harder and do more and be happier than my circumstances demand. And yet, it is wrong to simply survive. I must live, too. In the here and now—no more living the past, no more demanding certainties or absolutes in my future. I must live in my present.
I am emotional.
I have a wide range of emotions, which are not bad things. I have the freedom to express each emotion that I feel and have no need to suppress my emotions or feelings even if they are not what people want to see. It is okay to be happy, to be excited, to be angry, to be sad, to be stoic. My emotions are a form of expression which I cannot be myself without.
I am a daughter of God.
His existence demands my notice. God controls the universe, but He has given me the ability to control my existence ( in that I can make decisions). I ought to consider and desire what He would like for me to do, say, and think, but every moment is my own. He is personal—there is no distant God Who has forgotten us mere mortals below. I am able to converse (that is, I am able to speak and be heard by God and He is able to speak and be heard by me) with God. I must understand that the actions, decisions, and words of those who call themselves God’s children do not always emulate God’s actions, decisions, and words. I should not see the hypocrisy found in so many of our churches as God’s hypocrisy. God and the church are NOT synonymous.
I am a lover of words.
I love the written word passionately. I love to read books, poetry, lyrics, etc., to write stories, papers, poems, songs, etc. To suppress the desire to read and to write is wrong. I must allow myself to enjoy what I love despite the opinions of others. When I read, I read for myself. When I write, I write for myself. It’s okay to love what I read and what I write despite the level of talent or interest from others that is involved.
I am a musician.
Music is a form of expressing my emotions, thoughts, feelings, and ideas. Music expresses what I am not able to portray through my own words. I love to sing and play, though I am not overly talented at either activity. It is preposterous to deny myself the music of others or to deny myself from creating music when it is such a part of me. Talent does not dictate passion. Music holds my heart.
I am loved.
Many people have expressed love towards me, and I know many of them are sincere. They want what is best for me, and as a result of this, they come to have expectations. I am in no way obligated to these expectations. I must be myself and no other person, despite what is expected of me. If they love me, they will love me for me. If they love me, they will be proud of me for doing what I love and what I am best at. If they grow angry, bitter, discontent, etc. because I do what I love, then they must not truly care how they say they do. And in that case, they can leave. I have a low enough confidence in myself and my abilities to where I do not need anyone nay-saying what I attempt to accomplish.
Part of being loved is trust. Yes, some people will lie and hurt, but that does not mean that all of humanity cannot be trusted. There have been people who have proved my theory (that I ought to trust no one) absolutely and completely wrong. I am able to trust and love others-- and must do so, for love is part of who I am.
I am... me. Original, right? But there's only one me in the world... and I like that.
Thank you for your support, friendship, and for letting me be me....
Love,
Meg
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