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Wednesday, 25 February 2009

  • The Big Sigh

    It's amazing how much things can hurt even after a significant amount of time has passed. You can totally move past an event, being perfectly fine, but then read something or hear something, and you go through the hurt all again. Only now that it's past, you've learned to push the hurt away before it overtakes you. You push it out with a big sigh and move on with your life.

    Speaking of life, isn't it odd how easily it is to live a life that's not really "you." You get drawn into all these activities and music and styles of dressing that just... aren't really you. It just kind of happens and one day, you look around and realize that you don't like any of it. But you don't know how to go back to the old you (the you you were when you were being yourself), and you're not even sure if it's worth the effort.


    p.S. If anybody can tell me how to change the color of the stupid text in my blog, I'd really appreciate it.


    ciao.

Friday, 16 January 2009

  • As Of Late...

    ... a few years ago, I wanted to open a home for troubled girls-- help those who had been or were being abused to heal. As of late, this idea (not necessarily starting one, but perhaps supporting one) has been on my heart.

    Here's something I saw on a website for a child abuse shelter's site::

    Child abuse and neglect is reaching epidemic proportions with disastrous consequences. Judges, lawyers, physicians and other community professionals agree that tax dollars would be best spent preventing abuse and preserving families. Unfortunately, adequate resources have not been invested by state and Federal government to make significant prevention possible. One problem is that on both these levels the political constituency necessary to meet the needs of children has not been organized.

    It is clear that children and families need advocates. They need a concerned body of individuals who are willing to champion their rights and fight for advances in services that benefit children.
    They need you.

    According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, in 2003, approximately 906,000 children were victims and an estimated 1,500 children died of abuse or neglect.

    Locally, according to Colorado Association of Family and Children's Agencies (CAFCA), children in Colorado desperately need protection and care. Recently released statistics from 2005 include:
    In 2005, apporoximately 30,000 children were reported abused or neglected and referred for investigation in Colorado.
    Out of that number, nearly 9,000 cases were substantiated or indicated as abused. Twenty-one percent suffered physical abuse, 46.6% neglect, 1.4% medical neglect, 11.5% sexual abuse, 5% psychological maltreatment and 18% other or unknown.
    Boys and girls are equally likely to be abused or neglected.
    Approximately 80% of child abuse is perpetrated by a parent or caregiver.
    An average of 20 children in Colorado die from suspected abuse or neglect every year.
    Children under the age of 4 account for 75% of all child abuse deaths.
    Neglect occurs more frequently than abuse and can be equally damaging and deadly. 30% of all child fatalities are due to neglect.
    11,927 children spent some portion of 2005 in substitute (foster) care .
    Approximately 1,500 abused and neglected children receive intensive, rehabilitative mential health services in residential programs.
    The majority of children in residential care have been victims of significant physical or sexual abuse.

    For additional statistics on child abuse and neglect:

    National
    US Department of Health and Human Services - Administration for Children and Families
    National Clearinghouse on Child Abuse and Neglect Info
    The National Incidence Study (NIS) is a congressionally mandated, periodic research effort to assess the incidence of child abuse and neglect in the United States.
    Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration
    Prevent Child Abuse America
    Childhelp USA
    American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry
    Child Welfare League of America

    Local
    Child Maltreatment Reports – This report summarizes child abuse statistics submitted by states to Colorado Department of Human Services


    Mark 9:37-- Whosoever shall receive one of such children in my name, receiveth me: and whosoever shall receive me, receiveth not me, but him that sent me.

Tuesday, 23 September 2008

  • The old addage goes, " Tis better to have loved and lost, then to have never loved at all." Maybe in a land of fiction, this saying is true. Maybe to those who were never burned or scarred by love.

    I think that it is better to have never known love than to be crippled by broken trust for a seemingly endless period of time. I still curl away from the opportunity to love again. Worse, I lead guys on, then dump them when they bring up those three little words, "I love you." Perhaps when you go so long in your life believing you cant be loved, it isnt possible to allow another to love you. How can I open myself up to another, fully trusting another guy? Im not sure... except that I know Im not ready to right now. I can have fun, I can listen, I can care, but love? No-- I cannot love.

    So, is it better to be with someone knowing I cannot love, or is it better to be alone knowing I never will be loved...?

    When I find my answers, I'll let you know.

Wednesday, 17 September 2008

Monday, 30 June 2008

  • Those who know me best know that I've been on a sort of.. search for myself and for what I believe. This is what I've found (or at least part) so far.

    I am a woman.
    I am female, and therefore must understand that it is okay to be feminine. God created me as a woman and I can be as female as I desire, even if that’s considered wrong by other women around me.

    I am an adult daughter.
    I am the product of my parents. Their decisions in my childhood affected my development into who I am today. They love me, they kept me alive (or had someone else do so), and they are to be loved and respected despite any of their actions or words in the past, present, or future which may have hurt me. I am an adult as well as a daughter. My parents, though I should still honor them, do not have control over my actions or decisions. I must make the best (wisest) decisions in my pursuit of happiness and allow them to support my decisions (or not support them) as they wish. Their support does not affect my decisions. My parents may express their opinions, but it is my life and I must do all that I can with the time that I have been given.

    I am a sister.
    I have blood brothers and sisters as well as heart brothers and sisters. My love for them is a good thing, as is my desire to help in any way that I am able. However, causing physical overexhaustion or mental agony or any other harm to myself in my attempts to help my brothers and sisters is wrong. I have enough problems that I don’t need to take on the pain of others as if it were my own. Yes, I can show sympathy and empathy, love, concern, etc., for my brothers and sisters (how could I not when I love them?). I simply must learn how and when to say no. It is my responsibility (because of my willing love) to try to improve the lives of those around me if I can, but the happiness of those whom I love is not my responsibility. To each their own.

    I am a survivor.
    I have been through more pain, hurt, and tough experiences than any one woman ought to have been through, and yet here I am. I am stronger than I believe I am. I can endure through more than I believe I can. “Difficult” is simply a challenge to work harder and do more and be happier than my circumstances demand. And yet, it is wrong to simply survive. I must live, too. In the here and now—no more living the past, no more demanding certainties or absolutes in my future. I must live in my present.

    I am emotional.
    I have a wide range of emotions, which are not bad things. I have the freedom to express each emotion that I feel and have no need to suppress my emotions or feelings even if they are not what people want to see. It is okay to be happy, to be excited, to be angry, to be sad, to be stoic. My emotions are a form of expression which I cannot be myself without.

    I am a daughter of God.
    His existence demands my notice. God controls the universe, but He has given me the ability to control my existence ( in that I can make decisions). I ought to consider and desire what He would like for me to do, say, and think, but every moment is my own. He is personal—there is no distant God Who has forgotten us mere mortals below. I am able to converse (that is, I am able to speak and be heard by God and He is able to speak and be heard by me) with God. I must understand that the actions, decisions, and words of those who call themselves God’s children do not always emulate God’s actions, decisions, and words. I should not see the hypocrisy found in so many of our churches as God’s hypocrisy. God and the church are NOT synonymous.

    I am a lover of words.
    I love the written word passionately. I love to read books, poetry, lyrics, etc., to write stories, papers, poems, songs, etc. To suppress the desire to read and to write is wrong. I must allow myself to enjoy what I love despite the opinions of others. When I read, I read for myself. When I write, I write for myself. It’s okay to love what I read and what I write despite the level of talent or interest from others that is involved.

    I am a musician.
    Music is a form of expressing my emotions, thoughts, feelings, and ideas. Music expresses what I am not able to portray through my own words. I love to sing and play, though I am not overly talented at either activity. It is preposterous to deny myself the music of others or to deny myself from creating music when it is such a part of me. Talent does not dictate passion. Music holds my heart.

    I am loved.
    Many people have expressed love towards me, and I know many of them are sincere. They want what is best for me, and as a result of this, they come to have expectations. I am in no way obligated to these expectations. I must be myself and no other person, despite what is expected of me. If they love me, they will love me for me. If they love me, they will be proud of me for doing what I love and what I am best at. If they grow angry, bitter, discontent, etc. because I do what I love, then they must not truly care how they say they do. And in that case, they can leave. I have a low enough confidence in myself and my abilities to where I do not need anyone nay-saying what I attempt to accomplish.

    Part of being loved is trust. Yes, some people will lie and hurt, but that does not mean that all of humanity cannot be trusted. There have been people who have proved my theory (that I ought to trust no one) absolutely and completely wrong. I am able to trust and love others-- and must do so, for love is part of who I am.

    I am... me. Original, right? But there's only one me in the world... and I like that.

    Thank you for your support, friendship, and for letting me be me....

    Love,
    Meg

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Mercytruth

  • Visit Mercytruth's Xanga Site
    • Country: United States
    • State: Arizona
    • Metro: Phoenix
    • Birthday: 8/19/1985
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 7/21/2005

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  • Cris_no_H
    I don't really know what it's for either,'specially bein' in the middle of nowhere.It just seems like a public place for private conversations to me.I guess you might read sumthin you like and meet a new friend through it or sumthin,I don't know.Or maybe it's made for people to just ramble on and on
  • Mercytruth
    what's the point of this thing?